Many times my posts on this blog have been about changes in my life. I am not a person who likes change or welcomes it when its not my idea. However, if I initiate the change, I tend to like it. If someone else initiates change that I would have initiated, but they got to it first, I have to pretend I don't like it for a short time before stretching a grin from ear to ear and delving right into it.
That said, I have been experiencing a lot of change in the past 8 months. I have re-enrolled in college; I have learned to say "no" instead of "yes" in order to please others - at the expense of friendships; I have learned to stand for what I believe in, with the ability to challenge that belief if necessary - also at the expense of friendships. God is redefining who I am and what is important in my life. I like what He is doing... which is great because I believe we are truly happy and satisfied in life when we are going with His flow and not against it with our own agendas and ideas. Something to ponder...
I am currently in my second semester of my first year back to college. My goal is to complete my Bachelor's degree in Justice Studies at Lewis-Clark State College with a graduation date of May 2013. So far I like it, in fact I even have an A in my math class. That is a huge accomplishment, as Math and I don't generally get along. I have the same instructor (on purpose) as I did the last time I took a math class at LCSC and I truly believe he has a gift of making math make sense. Besides, he has a sense of humor that quite matches my husband's and that makes our class much easier to tolerate. :)
I am also beginning a new journey into lifestyle change. This time last year I was gung-ho about an eating plan called Greysheet. It worked well for me, for 6 weeks, and then I just couldn't do it any longer. God helped me realize over the past year that an eating plan alone won't help me lose weight, keep it off, and solve my body-image issues. I am seeing a counselor (for other "issues") and I told her that I would really like to get to the root causes of my eating problems. She agreed that that was a smart route to take, so she suggested reading a book called The Solution. As soon as I was able to purchase it I started reading. I am really connecting with this book; I wrote 7 pages in my journal as I read the first 18 pages in the book! I feel God orchestrated the events that led to me finally reading this book at this particular time in my life. I know that I am going to be successful, because I will not shame myself - I will not deprive myself - and I will not fail because I will pull the roots out that continually produce rotten fruit.
I am looking forward to succeeding in my academic, personal, family, and social aspects of my life this year. God has planned great things for me in 2012!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
Hiding
Seems I have been seeing red a lot these days. Is this what raising teenagers does to a normally sane person? As much as I love my kids, I find myself "hiding" in the office or my bedroom. No matter what I say I end up making someone cranky with me. Or maybe it isn't the teenagers at all. Maybe, its me.
Have I changed so much that I am completely out of touch with others feelings? Am I so socially disconnected and self absorbed that I can't relate to anyone but myself?
I do find that I have isolated myself from friends, and even from family. Recent stresses in my life have found me pulling inward, rather than reaching out. No one seems able to understand or even to empathize with where I am. Few of my friends get me, or get the situation I am in. I can think of two wonderful women that I can talk to about these things. We don't see each other often, or talk much, but when we do, it is instant relief.
Unfortunately, I don't want to talk to anyone, even them. I don't want to explain myself, I don't want to consider what to do next, or the consequences of what's already done.
I just want to live my life in peace. And so, I continue to hide.
Have I changed so much that I am completely out of touch with others feelings? Am I so socially disconnected and self absorbed that I can't relate to anyone but myself?
I do find that I have isolated myself from friends, and even from family. Recent stresses in my life have found me pulling inward, rather than reaching out. No one seems able to understand or even to empathize with where I am. Few of my friends get me, or get the situation I am in. I can think of two wonderful women that I can talk to about these things. We don't see each other often, or talk much, but when we do, it is instant relief.
Unfortunately, I don't want to talk to anyone, even them. I don't want to explain myself, I don't want to consider what to do next, or the consequences of what's already done.
I just want to live my life in peace. And so, I continue to hide.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Bipolar Disorder - It's not a choice I would make.
THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED DECEMBER 2008. I am reposting it now.
About four years ago I was diagnosed with a "disorder." The diagnosis was triggered due to the shift work I was dealing with while working at Potlatch Corporation. I worked two 12 hour days followed immediately by two twelve hour nights. The crazy sleep schedule was too much for me and a close friend noticed things weren't quite right about my thoughts/behaviour. She suspected Bipolar Disorder. (Formerly known as manic depression... ) I went through a questtionnaire with a psychiatrist (a PHD) and he confirmed the Bipolar Disorder. This was very scary to me. I had heard of BP D before, and it always seemed extreme and very negative. I wondered if that meant I was crazy... loony... wacko...
Actually, it was just that they gave me a name for symptoms I had experienced for quite a long time... probably beginning in my teens. It was (after the initial fright of it) kind of comforting to know that there was a name for what I go through, and a possible treatment.
I was assured that I was not crazy; that I am normal, and that my life will go on (and be better than before) with an understanding of the disorder and how it affects me. Basically, I tend to have high energy moods/days followed by low energy depressive moods/days. (Mania / Depression : this is where they got the name manic depression) I take some medications that help my brain not run a thousand miles a minute (sure, I like racing CARS but not racing thoughts!) However, this medication tends to slow me down a little too much, so I take another medication to pick me back up a bit. The combination really works well for me and I feel more "normal" than ever!
I do notice a difference in my behavior and mood if I don't take my medication, and it really isn't a great thing to miss the meds, so I continue them. Many people out there don't understand the need for medication and think that the medical establishment and pharmaceutical companies are just out to make money by drugging everyone (I believe that a portion of that is true - companies that try to make a profit are not always altruistic in nature)... however, I believe that my quality of life is greatly improved through medication.
Life with mild Bipolar Disorder isn't as bad as I thought, in fact, the worse part of BP is when people describe someone that is moody or has emotional difficulties as probably being Bipolar... and they mean it in a derogatory way - not in a way meant to want to help or understand them. Since not everyone I talk to knows that I am mildly Bipolar, when they label someone in this way it really bothers me.
Instead of judging people and labeling them in such ways, we all should try to understand each other and seek to help (in loving ways). If you suspect that a friend or loved one may struggle with Bipolar Disorder, please help them by first understanding that it is an affliction - not necessarily a choice to behave in such a manner - and secondly, encourage them to see a doctor or trained mental health counselor / psychiatrist. It may even save their life. (Especially if they are BP and it is severe... sometimes their behavior can put them in dangerous situations.)
Most of all, be kind and loving. Isn't that the essence of the Golden Rule?
About four years ago I was diagnosed with a "disorder." The diagnosis was triggered due to the shift work I was dealing with while working at Potlatch Corporation. I worked two 12 hour days followed immediately by two twelve hour nights. The crazy sleep schedule was too much for me and a close friend noticed things weren't quite right about my thoughts/behaviour. She suspected Bipolar Disorder. (Formerly known as manic depression... ) I went through a questtionnaire with a psychiatrist (a PHD) and he confirmed the Bipolar Disorder. This was very scary to me. I had heard of BP D before, and it always seemed extreme and very negative. I wondered if that meant I was crazy... loony... wacko...
Actually, it was just that they gave me a name for symptoms I had experienced for quite a long time... probably beginning in my teens. It was (after the initial fright of it) kind of comforting to know that there was a name for what I go through, and a possible treatment.
I was assured that I was not crazy; that I am normal, and that my life will go on (and be better than before) with an understanding of the disorder and how it affects me. Basically, I tend to have high energy moods/days followed by low energy depressive moods/days. (Mania / Depression : this is where they got the name manic depression) I take some medications that help my brain not run a thousand miles a minute (sure, I like racing CARS but not racing thoughts!) However, this medication tends to slow me down a little too much, so I take another medication to pick me back up a bit. The combination really works well for me and I feel more "normal" than ever!
I do notice a difference in my behavior and mood if I don't take my medication, and it really isn't a great thing to miss the meds, so I continue them. Many people out there don't understand the need for medication and think that the medical establishment and pharmaceutical companies are just out to make money by drugging everyone (I believe that a portion of that is true - companies that try to make a profit are not always altruistic in nature)... however, I believe that my quality of life is greatly improved through medication.
Life with mild Bipolar Disorder isn't as bad as I thought, in fact, the worse part of BP is when people describe someone that is moody or has emotional difficulties as probably being Bipolar... and they mean it in a derogatory way - not in a way meant to want to help or understand them. Since not everyone I talk to knows that I am mildly Bipolar, when they label someone in this way it really bothers me.
Instead of judging people and labeling them in such ways, we all should try to understand each other and seek to help (in loving ways). If you suspect that a friend or loved one may struggle with Bipolar Disorder, please help them by first understanding that it is an affliction - not necessarily a choice to behave in such a manner - and secondly, encourage them to see a doctor or trained mental health counselor / psychiatrist. It may even save their life. (Especially if they are BP and it is severe... sometimes their behavior can put them in dangerous situations.)
Most of all, be kind and loving. Isn't that the essence of the Golden Rule?
Friday, December 25, 2009
Life Changes in a Moment
How can it be that life is going on along, just (or mostly) as you expect and then WHAM! your life is backwards, upside down, and you can't stand? My dearest friend Amber Nicole, was killed in a car accident on her way to work.
She was supposed to be here today, feasting on prime rib and enjoying the wonderfully festive Christmas background music. She was supposed to comment on the rub Phil used on the meat, she was supposed to hold hands with us as Phil prayed with thanksgiving for our meal and for our family. She was supposed to be the one misty-eyed at the love we feel for her.
No.
I am the one, misty-eyed at the loss of a sister. One I could just look at in certain ways or say one word and we would both crack up.
Amber, I love you. Don't know if I ever told you that, but I do, I have and I always will.
She was supposed to be here today, feasting on prime rib and enjoying the wonderfully festive Christmas background music. She was supposed to comment on the rub Phil used on the meat, she was supposed to hold hands with us as Phil prayed with thanksgiving for our meal and for our family. She was supposed to be the one misty-eyed at the love we feel for her.
No.
I am the one, misty-eyed at the loss of a sister. One I could just look at in certain ways or say one word and we would both crack up.
Amber, I love you. Don't know if I ever told you that, but I do, I have and I always will.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
No News is Good News (or something like that)
Hi all. Not posting for a while really puts the pressure on to post something fabulous. This will not be a fabulous post. Just so you know.
Grandma died a bit over a week ago. I am the estate executor and personal representative for her assets. Big words that mean I have a big job on my hands. I have already been to Oregon twice in a week. Lots of driving. Lots of stressing out because there is so much to do. And lots of pressure from family regarding Grandma's memorial service and burial (and her money...). Unfortunately, Grandma's paperwork was not filed neatly with detailed instructions on what to do. So I am making decisions and making family members frustrated with me. It's only by God's grace that I am staying strong and keeping good boundaries.
It looks like I am heading back to Oregon again this week. Finishing up with getting personal items taken care of and making a trip to California to deliver some of her stuff to the people she promised it to. Then, hopefully, I will get a visit in with my grandpa and step-grandma (she isn't doing too well health-wise) and then stop by my sister's on my way back home. A big loop, quite a bit of driving (but I'm used to that) but looking forward to being home and getting more of this paperwork taken care of. Prayers for wisdom, focus and motivation are much needed and much appreciated.
Until next time...
I'm "on the road again"
Grandma died a bit over a week ago. I am the estate executor and personal representative for her assets. Big words that mean I have a big job on my hands. I have already been to Oregon twice in a week. Lots of driving. Lots of stressing out because there is so much to do. And lots of pressure from family regarding Grandma's memorial service and burial (and her money...). Unfortunately, Grandma's paperwork was not filed neatly with detailed instructions on what to do. So I am making decisions and making family members frustrated with me. It's only by God's grace that I am staying strong and keeping good boundaries.
It looks like I am heading back to Oregon again this week. Finishing up with getting personal items taken care of and making a trip to California to deliver some of her stuff to the people she promised it to. Then, hopefully, I will get a visit in with my grandpa and step-grandma (she isn't doing too well health-wise) and then stop by my sister's on my way back home. A big loop, quite a bit of driving (but I'm used to that) but looking forward to being home and getting more of this paperwork taken care of. Prayers for wisdom, focus and motivation are much needed and much appreciated.
Until next time...
I'm "on the road again"
Monday, June 29, 2009
It's been a while... but oh the things that have been happening!
June is almost over which means two things:
1. One third of our summer is already past us
2. It's almost my birthday
Since the kids get out of school so early (May 22 this year!) our summer starts fast and keeps gaining speed. I feel it whizzing by and my head wants to spin because we haven't even done the things I wanted to do.
I start every summer with ideas of keeping the kids entertained. How I wish we lived in the days where you just rode your bike around the neighborhood and played games with the neighbor kids. My girls don't have video games that keep them in the house; there just aren't many kids in the neighborhood to play with. So I had planned on having swimming days, library days, craft days, and such. I was going to incorporate the rest of our study of Esther (which we started last summer and never finished). So far we have gone swimming once, been to the library once and haven't even cracked our Bibles (together at least... still hoping the girls are reading their Bibles on their own time). But to be optimistic, we still have 2/3 of our summer left, so there is no reason not to get started on some of these goals. I think I will do just that... tomorrow. :o)
Part of the reason I haven't done much in the way of entertaining the kids is that I have been busy with appointments and such. Orthodontic, dentist, and church meetings. Add in the fact that two of my girls go to their mom's every other week, and the whole schedule gets hard to maintain.
Another reason we haven't followed through is because of #2... June is almost over and that means my birthday!! July 1st marks my 35th birthday and I wanted to celebrate with a party. I Looooove parties. I love having a birthday and getting all the attention. Really, I am quite the birthday diva. Hey, it's only once a year! So, I decided to host a backyard bunco birthday bash. In MY backyard. The backyard that is full of weeds and such.
For the past two weeks Phil and I, as well as Melanie and my good friends Kim and Virginia, have been planning, pruning, tilling, and planting. It doesn't look like much work went into it, now that the areas we focused on are finished, but Phil told me that it shouldn't look like you did a bunch of work. Phil pruned trees and tilled up my flower garden areas, then dug up irises and transplanted at least 50... Kim and Virginia helped me decide what plants would work well for the areas to landscape. Kim and I did a bunch of shopping and I planted 2 pygmy barberry shrubs which I promptly dug up and replanted one full size barberry. I also planted 8 candytufts which will also be dug up and moved out (they are too close together). I put in 48 petunias, 8 marigolds, and 8 dianthus; 6 hostas and one bleeding heart finished things up. I also filled a broken whiskey barrel fountain with dirt and planted some nierembrugia (or something like that) with some pink carnations and cirrus (Dusty Miller). Phil hung up a planter I filled with petunias... the lemon zest are my new favorite. I have had so much fun learning the names of flowers and plants and knowing what they are and where to put them! It is not so overwhelming now as it once was. I am excited to see everything grow and fill in!
Once the planting was done, it was time to set up for the party which we had yesterday. I invited 50+ women and had 16 come; since Melanie and I played, it brought our total to 18. Some women brought their daughters, who entertained themselves by drawing, coloring, and playing in the treehouse.
Bunco was a blast. Some of the women hadn't played before, and our rules are a bit different, so there was some explaining to do, but everyone caught on and soon we were "ROLLING!" I missed Andrea (Moser, who was the leader of our bunco group...) I loved how she always got us back on track when we would start chattering... a hefty "ROLLING!" always got us moving again.
I appreciated the way these women were so friendly with one another. Each person there probably only knew three others, so there was a lot of introducing and getting to know each other. The only bummer is that Bunco doesn't give you much time to visit before you are moving on to another table.
I have absolutely nothing to complain about. The weather was perfect, the cake and punch delicious, the friends delightful! I was given cards and sweet gifts (which made me feel strange... just having my friends there was a gift to me. I was actually dumbfounded. I had no idea how to respond to such graciousness!)
Even my husband was picture perfect. Running the dog to the groomer, running back to see if I needed anything, running our daughter off to babysit. He didn't mind at all that we had a flock of hens (and a few chicks) running around our yard and in our house!
So, a beautiful backyard, a gorgeous afternoon with good friends, pizza dinner later... but wait, there's one more thing (that always makes me think of the old Ginsu knife commercials... but wait, there's more!) Anyway... all of this wonderful-ness, and it's not even my birthday! Nope... my birthday is coming up this Wednesday. THe party wasn't even the beginning. Angie and I went out to lunch last Friday, and then had pedicures together. Then the backyard bunco bash yesterday, and I still have two days until my birthday!! Wonder what will come next? Wish I could say "Disneyland" but that is just not happening this year. Still, I am excited to see what the next couple of days hold for me. Spontaneous road tripping? Dinner and a movie? Sitting in my beautiful backyard with a good book?
Life couldn't get much better. And that is good.
1. One third of our summer is already past us
2. It's almost my birthday
Since the kids get out of school so early (May 22 this year!) our summer starts fast and keeps gaining speed. I feel it whizzing by and my head wants to spin because we haven't even done the things I wanted to do.
I start every summer with ideas of keeping the kids entertained. How I wish we lived in the days where you just rode your bike around the neighborhood and played games with the neighbor kids. My girls don't have video games that keep them in the house; there just aren't many kids in the neighborhood to play with. So I had planned on having swimming days, library days, craft days, and such. I was going to incorporate the rest of our study of Esther (which we started last summer and never finished). So far we have gone swimming once, been to the library once and haven't even cracked our Bibles (together at least... still hoping the girls are reading their Bibles on their own time). But to be optimistic, we still have 2/3 of our summer left, so there is no reason not to get started on some of these goals. I think I will do just that... tomorrow. :o)
Part of the reason I haven't done much in the way of entertaining the kids is that I have been busy with appointments and such. Orthodontic, dentist, and church meetings. Add in the fact that two of my girls go to their mom's every other week, and the whole schedule gets hard to maintain.
Another reason we haven't followed through is because of #2... June is almost over and that means my birthday!! July 1st marks my 35th birthday and I wanted to celebrate with a party. I Looooove parties. I love having a birthday and getting all the attention. Really, I am quite the birthday diva. Hey, it's only once a year! So, I decided to host a backyard bunco birthday bash. In MY backyard. The backyard that is full of weeds and such.
For the past two weeks Phil and I, as well as Melanie and my good friends Kim and Virginia, have been planning, pruning, tilling, and planting. It doesn't look like much work went into it, now that the areas we focused on are finished, but Phil told me that it shouldn't look like you did a bunch of work. Phil pruned trees and tilled up my flower garden areas, then dug up irises and transplanted at least 50... Kim and Virginia helped me decide what plants would work well for the areas to landscape. Kim and I did a bunch of shopping and I planted 2 pygmy barberry shrubs which I promptly dug up and replanted one full size barberry. I also planted 8 candytufts which will also be dug up and moved out (they are too close together). I put in 48 petunias, 8 marigolds, and 8 dianthus; 6 hostas and one bleeding heart finished things up. I also filled a broken whiskey barrel fountain with dirt and planted some nierembrugia (or something like that) with some pink carnations and cirrus (Dusty Miller). Phil hung up a planter I filled with petunias... the lemon zest are my new favorite. I have had so much fun learning the names of flowers and plants and knowing what they are and where to put them! It is not so overwhelming now as it once was. I am excited to see everything grow and fill in!
Once the planting was done, it was time to set up for the party which we had yesterday. I invited 50+ women and had 16 come; since Melanie and I played, it brought our total to 18. Some women brought their daughters, who entertained themselves by drawing, coloring, and playing in the treehouse.
Bunco was a blast. Some of the women hadn't played before, and our rules are a bit different, so there was some explaining to do, but everyone caught on and soon we were "ROLLING!" I missed Andrea (Moser, who was the leader of our bunco group...) I loved how she always got us back on track when we would start chattering... a hefty "ROLLING!" always got us moving again.
I appreciated the way these women were so friendly with one another. Each person there probably only knew three others, so there was a lot of introducing and getting to know each other. The only bummer is that Bunco doesn't give you much time to visit before you are moving on to another table.
I have absolutely nothing to complain about. The weather was perfect, the cake and punch delicious, the friends delightful! I was given cards and sweet gifts (which made me feel strange... just having my friends there was a gift to me. I was actually dumbfounded. I had no idea how to respond to such graciousness!)
Even my husband was picture perfect. Running the dog to the groomer, running back to see if I needed anything, running our daughter off to babysit. He didn't mind at all that we had a flock of hens (and a few chicks) running around our yard and in our house!
So, a beautiful backyard, a gorgeous afternoon with good friends, pizza dinner later... but wait, there's one more thing (that always makes me think of the old Ginsu knife commercials... but wait, there's more!) Anyway... all of this wonderful-ness, and it's not even my birthday! Nope... my birthday is coming up this Wednesday. THe party wasn't even the beginning. Angie and I went out to lunch last Friday, and then had pedicures together. Then the backyard bunco bash yesterday, and I still have two days until my birthday!! Wonder what will come next? Wish I could say "Disneyland" but that is just not happening this year. Still, I am excited to see what the next couple of days hold for me. Spontaneous road tripping? Dinner and a movie? Sitting in my beautiful backyard with a good book?
Life couldn't get much better. And that is good.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Basement Remodel
The basement remodel is almost finished! I plan on posting some before, during, and after photos here soon for those of you who have been wondering how it has been going.
I am feverishly painting the trim this weekend, to put up on Monday. The color is "nutmeg" and I thought it was darker. When I started painting it on, I was actually relieved because I was second-guessing my color choice. Oh, if you know me at all, you know that I have a hard time making decisions of the permanent type. Ugh! First how to design the space efficiently; then paint color(s), light fixtures, carpet and vinyl... I nearly had a mental breakdown! I asked a good friend for help at the last minute, and she wasn't available because I asked... at the last minute!
I finally settled on a paint color for the walls, only to find later, that I need to choose a paint color for the doors and trim. If Phil had his way it would all be WHITE. Thankfully, I get my way: a case of anxiety over choosing three different colors. YIPPEE! Once that was finished, I had to find a vinyl flooring for the bathroom. EEK (have you noticed I have a love of onomatopeia? Can you believe that onomatopeia was a bonus spelling word for Rachel, who is in 3rd Grade?!?!) Anyway, I wanted to choose a vinyl pattern that didn't look like Corelle dishes from the 1970s and would not clash with either my carpet (which was only half decided on) and the vanity I had chosen. UGH So I picked out the vinyl, and chose the carpet hoping they would go with my new paint colors... Thankfully all the flooring and paint (and bathroom vanity) have worked really well together!!
The plumber is coming Monday or Tuesday to install the toilet, finish the shower, and connect the faucet in the sink.
After that, we only have the trim to install as well as closet organization system and doors. Unfortunately, this project has eaten up so much money that we have to wait to purchase new furniture for the girls! They are so excited though, that I think they would be happy to sleep on the floor in sleeping bags rather than waiting for new furniture before moving in!
Photos to come soon. I have to stop avoiding and get to painting the trim!
I am feverishly painting the trim this weekend, to put up on Monday. The color is "nutmeg" and I thought it was darker. When I started painting it on, I was actually relieved because I was second-guessing my color choice. Oh, if you know me at all, you know that I have a hard time making decisions of the permanent type. Ugh! First how to design the space efficiently; then paint color(s), light fixtures, carpet and vinyl... I nearly had a mental breakdown! I asked a good friend for help at the last minute, and she wasn't available because I asked... at the last minute!
I finally settled on a paint color for the walls, only to find later, that I need to choose a paint color for the doors and trim. If Phil had his way it would all be WHITE. Thankfully, I get my way: a case of anxiety over choosing three different colors. YIPPEE! Once that was finished, I had to find a vinyl flooring for the bathroom. EEK (have you noticed I have a love of onomatopeia? Can you believe that onomatopeia was a bonus spelling word for Rachel, who is in 3rd Grade?!?!) Anyway, I wanted to choose a vinyl pattern that didn't look like Corelle dishes from the 1970s and would not clash with either my carpet (which was only half decided on) and the vanity I had chosen. UGH So I picked out the vinyl, and chose the carpet hoping they would go with my new paint colors... Thankfully all the flooring and paint (and bathroom vanity) have worked really well together!!
The plumber is coming Monday or Tuesday to install the toilet, finish the shower, and connect the faucet in the sink.
After that, we only have the trim to install as well as closet organization system and doors. Unfortunately, this project has eaten up so much money that we have to wait to purchase new furniture for the girls! They are so excited though, that I think they would be happy to sleep on the floor in sleeping bags rather than waiting for new furniture before moving in!
Photos to come soon. I have to stop avoiding and get to painting the trim!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Old Man Winter is Not Dead Yet
I love the weather we have in the valley. Well, all except the times when it's hotter than Mars and you have to hide in A/C comfort all day lest you get your lungs seared and your eyebrows burned off by stepping outside.
Anyway, weather here is crazy at times. Just the other day it was 60 degrees and blue skies, then yesterday, it was rainy and cloudy and then beautiful sunshine. All day it kept up with this pattern of rain and yuck and then sunshine. Until...
Old Man Winter and Sweet Spring had an argument in the weather room. They played rock paper scissors to decide and Old Man Winter won.
These really weird, misty-like clouds came over Clarkston, and the wind was blowing the rain sideways. Rain turned to hail and a lot of it! And then, just like that, the wind stopped and it was lightly raining. I was at my friend/hairdresser's getting one of my girls' haircut and as we drove home (a mile away, up a hill) the rain changed into snow. For two hours it snowed HUGE beautiful flakes. I really couldn't be mad at OMWinter because he was reminding us how beautiful his work can be. We got about a half inch of snow, completely covering the ground.
Today, it's bright sunshine, just bouncing off the snow and sparkling on the early spring flowers that had dared to come up. I know all the snow will be melted and gone by afternoon, but how I loved OMWinter's last hurrah. Now it's time for spring. I can say goodbye to the snow for now, and welcome Spring and daffodils.
After I take another long look at the snow and thank God for little surprises.
Anyway, weather here is crazy at times. Just the other day it was 60 degrees and blue skies, then yesterday, it was rainy and cloudy and then beautiful sunshine. All day it kept up with this pattern of rain and yuck and then sunshine. Until...
Old Man Winter and Sweet Spring had an argument in the weather room. They played rock paper scissors to decide and Old Man Winter won.
These really weird, misty-like clouds came over Clarkston, and the wind was blowing the rain sideways. Rain turned to hail and a lot of it! And then, just like that, the wind stopped and it was lightly raining. I was at my friend/hairdresser's getting one of my girls' haircut and as we drove home (a mile away, up a hill) the rain changed into snow. For two hours it snowed HUGE beautiful flakes. I really couldn't be mad at OMWinter because he was reminding us how beautiful his work can be. We got about a half inch of snow, completely covering the ground.
Today, it's bright sunshine, just bouncing off the snow and sparkling on the early spring flowers that had dared to come up. I know all the snow will be melted and gone by afternoon, but how I loved OMWinter's last hurrah. Now it's time for spring. I can say goodbye to the snow for now, and welcome Spring and daffodils.
After I take another long look at the snow and thank God for little surprises.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Dear Blog:
Oh blog, dearest blog, I have not forgotten about you. Yes, I have been reading other blogs; but it's not cheating unless I twitter, follow, or subscribe!
I would blog more often, but I just can't think of anything to say, write, or wish to publicize in all my stupidity... Some of these people can really write! And man, are they funny!
Besides that, I don't know how to play "tag" or post awards or even photos for that matter. I need "Blogging for Dummies." I need a million bucks. I need a nap. So far, I am 0 for 3.
So thanks to Merrie for my beautiful award... if I knew how to post it, I would. And thanks for those of you who "tagged" me, I don't know how to play. And for those of you who are so masterful at posting photos... I read your blogs and pretend the photos you post are really my life, since I can't figure out how to post photos of my own. (I swear, I am not stalking you... besides, it's not stalking if you post the photos for all to see!)
I know I have some things I really want to blog about, but they are just ramblings at this stage. When I can give birth to full thoughts, I will write them out. For now, I am still gestating (is that a word?).
I think I better go to bed now. This post is getting weirder by the moment. But you know what? I love you blog... because I can express my freaky weird self and still you love me; you wait ever so patiently for me to come and post another freaky weird blog entry.
See you again soon, blog. By the way, blog, you need a name. You have a title, but not really a name. I think I will name you: ???
I would blog more often, but I just can't think of anything to say, write, or wish to publicize in all my stupidity... Some of these people can really write! And man, are they funny!
Besides that, I don't know how to play "tag" or post awards or even photos for that matter. I need "Blogging for Dummies." I need a million bucks. I need a nap. So far, I am 0 for 3.
So thanks to Merrie for my beautiful award... if I knew how to post it, I would. And thanks for those of you who "tagged" me, I don't know how to play. And for those of you who are so masterful at posting photos... I read your blogs and pretend the photos you post are really my life, since I can't figure out how to post photos of my own. (I swear, I am not stalking you... besides, it's not stalking if you post the photos for all to see!)
I know I have some things I really want to blog about, but they are just ramblings at this stage. When I can give birth to full thoughts, I will write them out. For now, I am still gestating (is that a word?).
I think I better go to bed now. This post is getting weirder by the moment. But you know what? I love you blog... because I can express my freaky weird self and still you love me; you wait ever so patiently for me to come and post another freaky weird blog entry.
See you again soon, blog. By the way, blog, you need a name. You have a title, but not really a name. I think I will name you: ???
Saturday, January 3, 2009
One Word for the Year
I am sneaking this from my good friend's blog: http://kristi-papertherapy.blogspot.com/2009/01/one-word.html
She writes about having a "word" for the year and challenges you to choose one for yourself. So here goes:
My word is TRUSTING. I made it an action word, not just "trust" which is more of an idea or concept. I put the -ing on it so that I would remember that it is something I need to keep doing.
We have really had a hard time this past year (yet some things are better than ever, go figure!) and although the first words I thought of were Blessings and Security... it all comes down to TRUSTING the one who made all things, provides for all things, and has a plan for all things.
I will be TRUSTING God in 2009!!
So, what is your word?
She writes about having a "word" for the year and challenges you to choose one for yourself. So here goes:
My word is TRUSTING. I made it an action word, not just "trust" which is more of an idea or concept. I put the -ing on it so that I would remember that it is something I need to keep doing.
We have really had a hard time this past year (yet some things are better than ever, go figure!) and although the first words I thought of were Blessings and Security... it all comes down to TRUSTING the one who made all things, provides for all things, and has a plan for all things.
I will be TRUSTING God in 2009!!
So, what is your word?
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Procrastination (A Work in Progress)
Destination: avoidance
Illumination: Phillip
Irritation: bad habits
Elation: task completed
Justification: lots of time
Organization: piles of files
Illumination: Phillip
Irritation: bad habits
Elation: task completed
Justification: lots of time
Organization: piles of files
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
SNOW
I LOVE SNOW I LOVE SNOW I LOVE SNOW
Oh, how I love snow! Pretty white flakes, falling from the sky, each unique, beautiful, delicate. Cold and fragile, melting, gone. Stay with me just a little longer!
Slipping and sliding, swerving and curving, driving in circles in an abandoned parking lot. Screams of laughter from my daughters, giggling and loving my life! Snow, Snow, Snow
Gift of God, you make everything beautiful, white and clean like the day you saved me. I love to sit and stare at trees loaded with white frosting, drinking hot cocoa, cuddling under a warm blanket. Snow satisfies my soul!
Oh, how I love snow! Pretty white flakes, falling from the sky, each unique, beautiful, delicate. Cold and fragile, melting, gone. Stay with me just a little longer!
Slipping and sliding, swerving and curving, driving in circles in an abandoned parking lot. Screams of laughter from my daughters, giggling and loving my life! Snow, Snow, Snow
Gift of God, you make everything beautiful, white and clean like the day you saved me. I love to sit and stare at trees loaded with white frosting, drinking hot cocoa, cuddling under a warm blanket. Snow satisfies my soul!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I am addicted to Facebook. I really need to limit my time there. Even my kids roll their eyes when I roll my chair up to my desk and start typing.. "Gonna get on Facebook again Mom?" Uh, yeah, I am (and why do I feel guilty about this?)
I love the fact that I can keep in touch with so many people in such an easy way. I am getting to know people from my church that I hardly ever see on Sunday. I am getting to know anew the people I went to high school with over 15 years ago. (That has been really fun. We are finally getting past the competition and now we are on to being adults... with families and jobs and life.)
I do hope though, that I am not forsaking my relationships with others; that is, actual together time with them in favor of Facebook. It does help to meet together with others in the same room, face to face. I met up with my friend Kim whom I really don't see much of anymore and it was just so good to be in her presence. Just her sunny disposition, the sound of her happy voice. It did wonders for my spirit.
I have noticed that I am neglecting a certain important relationship I have. My friendship with Jesus, which should come first, has lately been in last place. The time that I used to spend drinking cocoa and reading my Bible has been replaced with Facebook. And all the cool apps on Facebook... like SuperPets and Typing Test and Speed Racing. Oh, come on, God understands how addictive Speed Racing is, doesn't He? Especially when I am trying to smoke the pastor's kid's car... No, I guess not. In the eternal scheme of things, I don't think it is doing much for my sanctification process. I just hope that God has some good go-carts in heaven. I'll put off Facebook Speed Racing in favor of reading my Bible if He does have go-carts.
Alright, I shouldn't bargain with God. But don't we? Isn't that such a picture of our relationship with God? Maybe only for beginner Christians, but even 7 years after inviting Christ to be my friend, I still try to bargain. I'll pray and be good, if you will bless my finances. I will read my Bible and memorize verses if you will look past the gossiping and judgment I was just involved in. I will serve in our church if... I will put up with annoying people if... If if if... And it goes on.
I long for the days when I have matured to the point where Jesus is the first person I turn to, not my computer, not even my phone. For the days when I love because I am full of God, not myself. When I obey because I love God, and not my own ambitions.
I like to think that even now, God is working this out in me. Already I have seen a change in my relationships in my family. Hopefully soon, God will work out my friend issues (that are about me, not my friends). But I have learned this: Seeking God first is putting everything else in line. No bargains, no ultimatims... just being aware of God through His Holy Spirit and being willing to change my attitude, behavior, and let go of my ambitions has led me to a deeper peace within. It's not a complete peace, yet, but I see that God is working in me. "Being confident in this, that He who began a good work in (me) will carry it on to completion..." Phillippians 1:6
Yes, God, complete the good work that YOU began in me. I am willing. (even if I have to limit my time on Facebook, you are worth it!)
I love the fact that I can keep in touch with so many people in such an easy way. I am getting to know people from my church that I hardly ever see on Sunday. I am getting to know anew the people I went to high school with over 15 years ago. (That has been really fun. We are finally getting past the competition and now we are on to being adults... with families and jobs and life.)
I do hope though, that I am not forsaking my relationships with others; that is, actual together time with them in favor of Facebook. It does help to meet together with others in the same room, face to face. I met up with my friend Kim whom I really don't see much of anymore and it was just so good to be in her presence. Just her sunny disposition, the sound of her happy voice. It did wonders for my spirit.
I have noticed that I am neglecting a certain important relationship I have. My friendship with Jesus, which should come first, has lately been in last place. The time that I used to spend drinking cocoa and reading my Bible has been replaced with Facebook. And all the cool apps on Facebook... like SuperPets and Typing Test and Speed Racing. Oh, come on, God understands how addictive Speed Racing is, doesn't He? Especially when I am trying to smoke the pastor's kid's car... No, I guess not. In the eternal scheme of things, I don't think it is doing much for my sanctification process. I just hope that God has some good go-carts in heaven. I'll put off Facebook Speed Racing in favor of reading my Bible if He does have go-carts.
Alright, I shouldn't bargain with God. But don't we? Isn't that such a picture of our relationship with God? Maybe only for beginner Christians, but even 7 years after inviting Christ to be my friend, I still try to bargain. I'll pray and be good, if you will bless my finances. I will read my Bible and memorize verses if you will look past the gossiping and judgment I was just involved in. I will serve in our church if... I will put up with annoying people if... If if if... And it goes on.
I long for the days when I have matured to the point where Jesus is the first person I turn to, not my computer, not even my phone. For the days when I love because I am full of God, not myself. When I obey because I love God, and not my own ambitions.
I like to think that even now, God is working this out in me. Already I have seen a change in my relationships in my family. Hopefully soon, God will work out my friend issues (that are about me, not my friends). But I have learned this: Seeking God first is putting everything else in line. No bargains, no ultimatims... just being aware of God through His Holy Spirit and being willing to change my attitude, behavior, and let go of my ambitions has led me to a deeper peace within. It's not a complete peace, yet, but I see that God is working in me. "Being confident in this, that He who began a good work in (me) will carry it on to completion..." Phillippians 1:6
Yes, God, complete the good work that YOU began in me. I am willing. (even if I have to limit my time on Facebook, you are worth it!)
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
It's Not Easy Being Me
About two years ago I was diagnosed with a "disorder." The diagnosis was triggered due to the shift work I was dealing with while working at Potlatch. The crazy sleep schedule was too much for me and a close friend noticed things weren't quite right about my thoughts/behaviour. She suspected Bipolar Disorder. (Formerly known as manic depression... ) I went through a questtionnaire with a psychiatrist (a PHD) and he confirmed the Bipolar Disorder. This was very scary to me. I had heard of BP D before, and it always seemed extreme and very negative. I wondered if that meant I was crazy... loony... wacko...
Actually, it was just that they gave me a name for symptoms I had experienced for quite a long time... probably beginning in my teens. It was (after the initial fright of it) kind of comforting to know that there was a name for what I go through, and a possible treatment.
I was assured that I was not crazy; that I am normal, and that my life will go on (and be better than before) with an understanding of the disorder and how it affects me. Basically, I tend to have high energy moods/days followed by low energy depressive moods/days. (Mania / Depression : this is where they got the name manic depression) I take some medications that help my brain not run a thousand miles a minute (sure, I like racing CARS but not racing thoughts!) However, this medication tends to slow me down a little too much, so I take another medication to pick me back up a bit. The combination really works well for me and I feel more "normal" than ever!
I do notice a difference in my behavior and mood if I don't take my medication, and it really isn't a great thing to miss the meds, so I continue them. Many people out there don't understand the need for medication and think that the medical establishment and pharmaceutical companies are just out to make money by drugging everyone (I believe that a portion of that is true - companies that try to make a profit are not always altruistic in nature)... however, I believe that my quality of life is greatly improved through medication.
Life with mild Bipolar Disorder isn't as bad as I thought, in fact, the worse part of BP is when people describe someone that is moody or has emotional difficulties as probably being Bipolar... and they mean it in a derogatory way - not in a way meant to want to help or understand them. Since not everyone I talk to knows that I am mildly Bipolar, when they label someone in this way it really bothers me.
Instead of judging people and labeling them in such ways, we all should try to understand each other and seek to help (in loving ways). If you suspect that a friend or loved one may struggle with Bipolar Disorder, please help them by first understanding that it is an affliction - not necessarily a choice to behave in such a manner - and secondly, encourage them to see a doctor or trained mental health counselor / psychiatrist. It may even save their life. (Especially if they are BP and it is severe... sometimes their behavior can put them in dangerous situations.)
Most of all, be kind and loving. Isn't that the essence of the Golden Rule?
Actually, it was just that they gave me a name for symptoms I had experienced for quite a long time... probably beginning in my teens. It was (after the initial fright of it) kind of comforting to know that there was a name for what I go through, and a possible treatment.
I was assured that I was not crazy; that I am normal, and that my life will go on (and be better than before) with an understanding of the disorder and how it affects me. Basically, I tend to have high energy moods/days followed by low energy depressive moods/days. (Mania / Depression : this is where they got the name manic depression) I take some medications that help my brain not run a thousand miles a minute (sure, I like racing CARS but not racing thoughts!) However, this medication tends to slow me down a little too much, so I take another medication to pick me back up a bit. The combination really works well for me and I feel more "normal" than ever!
I do notice a difference in my behavior and mood if I don't take my medication, and it really isn't a great thing to miss the meds, so I continue them. Many people out there don't understand the need for medication and think that the medical establishment and pharmaceutical companies are just out to make money by drugging everyone (I believe that a portion of that is true - companies that try to make a profit are not always altruistic in nature)... however, I believe that my quality of life is greatly improved through medication.
Life with mild Bipolar Disorder isn't as bad as I thought, in fact, the worse part of BP is when people describe someone that is moody or has emotional difficulties as probably being Bipolar... and they mean it in a derogatory way - not in a way meant to want to help or understand them. Since not everyone I talk to knows that I am mildly Bipolar, when they label someone in this way it really bothers me.
Instead of judging people and labeling them in such ways, we all should try to understand each other and seek to help (in loving ways). If you suspect that a friend or loved one may struggle with Bipolar Disorder, please help them by first understanding that it is an affliction - not necessarily a choice to behave in such a manner - and secondly, encourage them to see a doctor or trained mental health counselor / psychiatrist. It may even save their life. (Especially if they are BP and it is severe... sometimes their behavior can put them in dangerous situations.)
Most of all, be kind and loving. Isn't that the essence of the Golden Rule?
Friday, November 28, 2008
Ramblings of a Disheartened Friend
I don't have much to say... but I am tired of having my last blog post haunting me, so I am posting something new. (After I posted this, I realized I had a lot to say. Stuff that needed to be said, if for my own revelation.)
I realize I am not a very positive person. I am very detail-oriented - it's a blessing and a curse - but I often see the negative way before I see the positive. Even though Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday (yes, even above Christmas), and I have much to be thankful for, I have a hard time seeing the blessings. I could rattle off a whole bunch of obvious ones (health, home, family, CCS) but to find something positive about something in particular... that is very difficult for me.
I have a hard time seeing the good in people (and in situations). I wasn't always like that. I was Pollyanna... always finding something good in nearly every situation, every person. I have had my heart broken so many times because I saw the good in people who were soooo bad. But I knew inside of them, there was good. I remember being hurt so badly that although I didn't die, I am sure a part of my heart did. The part of my heart that loves freely, that believes, that trusts.
When I accepted Jesus as my Saviour, I thought that my heart would be made whole. Sure, I know that I am not made perfect in an instant... yes, my sins were forgiven and forgotten in the instant that I asked (even before), but my behavior, the awful sin nature that still lurks inside, gets removed ever so slowly over my lifetime as I seek to live according to God's will.
My heart was hurt so badly that I have a hard time loving. Yet, when I do, I DO. I love. I am loyal to those I open my life, my heart to; those that I believe are "safe" people. I long for deep, intimate friendships. Yet I find myself feeling betrayed by those I thought were my friends. I am finding that my "friends" are more like acquaintances, rather than people I can share myself with. It makes me sad. If I show the least bit of instability, a crabby attitude, a misspoken word, there is no one asking if there is something else going on... no one trying to understand... no one offering to pray...
It's this time in my life when I need friendships the most. My life, as some know, is very complicated and difficult. My heart is continually being torn apart by those I try to love. My tanks are dry. Is there no one available to fill them up? I am weary... is there no Aaron to lift my arms in this battle?
I know... the answer is Jesus, right? But I believe that we are created to have relationship with humans too... otherwise God wouldn't have made Eve... God would have been all Adam needed. I am not talking about marriage; I am talking about a friend. God knows we need friends. I need friends.
But I am afraid. Afraid to open my heart to anyone. Afraid that I won't measure up to others' expectations. Afraid that I am not who others think I am and that who I truly am isn't acceptable. Afraid that they don't want to hear about a life that is a daily struggle. (I can't force myself to pretend it is anything other than what it is.) Afraid that they too, are afraid that the messiness of my life may make their own lives messy. (I don't blame them for that...)
Well, got that off my chest. Aaah. That feels better.
At small group the other night, we talked about how we could better relate to others. I was so saddened by my lack of ability to even connect with others that I decided that right now, I am going to focus on Jesus as my friend. He will bring those who are to walk beside me. I need not look for them now. Jesus is to be the focus of my friendship need... And I will rest in Him.
For Jesus, I am thankful.
I realize I am not a very positive person. I am very detail-oriented - it's a blessing and a curse - but I often see the negative way before I see the positive. Even though Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday (yes, even above Christmas), and I have much to be thankful for, I have a hard time seeing the blessings. I could rattle off a whole bunch of obvious ones (health, home, family, CCS) but to find something positive about something in particular... that is very difficult for me.
I have a hard time seeing the good in people (and in situations). I wasn't always like that. I was Pollyanna... always finding something good in nearly every situation, every person. I have had my heart broken so many times because I saw the good in people who were soooo bad. But I knew inside of them, there was good. I remember being hurt so badly that although I didn't die, I am sure a part of my heart did. The part of my heart that loves freely, that believes, that trusts.
When I accepted Jesus as my Saviour, I thought that my heart would be made whole. Sure, I know that I am not made perfect in an instant... yes, my sins were forgiven and forgotten in the instant that I asked (even before), but my behavior, the awful sin nature that still lurks inside, gets removed ever so slowly over my lifetime as I seek to live according to God's will.
My heart was hurt so badly that I have a hard time loving. Yet, when I do, I DO. I love. I am loyal to those I open my life, my heart to; those that I believe are "safe" people. I long for deep, intimate friendships. Yet I find myself feeling betrayed by those I thought were my friends. I am finding that my "friends" are more like acquaintances, rather than people I can share myself with. It makes me sad. If I show the least bit of instability, a crabby attitude, a misspoken word, there is no one asking if there is something else going on... no one trying to understand... no one offering to pray...
It's this time in my life when I need friendships the most. My life, as some know, is very complicated and difficult. My heart is continually being torn apart by those I try to love. My tanks are dry. Is there no one available to fill them up? I am weary... is there no Aaron to lift my arms in this battle?
I know... the answer is Jesus, right? But I believe that we are created to have relationship with humans too... otherwise God wouldn't have made Eve... God would have been all Adam needed. I am not talking about marriage; I am talking about a friend. God knows we need friends. I need friends.
But I am afraid. Afraid to open my heart to anyone. Afraid that I won't measure up to others' expectations. Afraid that I am not who others think I am and that who I truly am isn't acceptable. Afraid that they don't want to hear about a life that is a daily struggle. (I can't force myself to pretend it is anything other than what it is.) Afraid that they too, are afraid that the messiness of my life may make their own lives messy. (I don't blame them for that...)
Well, got that off my chest. Aaah. That feels better.
At small group the other night, we talked about how we could better relate to others. I was so saddened by my lack of ability to even connect with others that I decided that right now, I am going to focus on Jesus as my friend. He will bring those who are to walk beside me. I need not look for them now. Jesus is to be the focus of my friendship need... And I will rest in Him.
For Jesus, I am thankful.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Hello? Anyone here? Should there be?
Just checking to see if anyone actually reads this. Not that I check it every day for comments or anything. I didn't even start this blog with the idea that others would read it. It was to be a diary of whatevers for me to able to think about, mull over, contemplate, and get off my chest.
But then I got hooked on writing for an audience. That was never my intention, but my good friend Pride showed up and said "Hey, you should try impressing people... write something interesting." So I tried. I tried to be clever; wise; funny. I forgot that I was writing for the act of expressing.
So, Pride, I am kicking you to the curb. If no one ever reads my blog or comments or gives me a tag or award, that's okay. Stop trying to make me feel guilty or lesser for it! If others don't find bits and pieces of my life a masterpiece in progress, that's ok, because I already know it is. At that point, it becomes a recognition of God's handiwork, not my own. So here's the Tonya Harding moment... knocking Pride in the knees... time to be humbled!
God, I thank you that what you are making of my life is a masterpiece. It may look disjointed and messy to me, but you are doing something amazing. Thanks for reminding me. I know what a screw-up I may seem to the world, but I do my best and you give me an A for effort. All I need to do is live to please you. Give me the courage to do just that!
Aaah.. that feels better.
But then I got hooked on writing for an audience. That was never my intention, but my good friend Pride showed up and said "Hey, you should try impressing people... write something interesting." So I tried. I tried to be clever; wise; funny. I forgot that I was writing for the act of expressing.
So, Pride, I am kicking you to the curb. If no one ever reads my blog or comments or gives me a tag or award, that's okay. Stop trying to make me feel guilty or lesser for it! If others don't find bits and pieces of my life a masterpiece in progress, that's ok, because I already know it is. At that point, it becomes a recognition of God's handiwork, not my own. So here's the Tonya Harding moment... knocking Pride in the knees... time to be humbled!
God, I thank you that what you are making of my life is a masterpiece. It may look disjointed and messy to me, but you are doing something amazing. Thanks for reminding me. I know what a screw-up I may seem to the world, but I do my best and you give me an A for effort. All I need to do is live to please you. Give me the courage to do just that!
Aaah.. that feels better.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The sweetest baby boy ever and his super fun big brother
Oh how I wish he were mine!! The most beautiful baby boy I have ever laid eyes on...
Introducing my new nephew, Colton James Rowan. He is approximately 6 weeks old in the photo. He is the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. Creamy sweet skin you just want to nuzzle.
This is my nephew Tucker Allen; he is Colton's big brother. He's about 3 1/2 in the photo. A ball of energy, this one! And so sweet. He has the cutest expressions. He's like an old man in a little kid body. His voice and the things he says just crack me and his cousin Melanie up... He adores Melanie (and she loves him, and Colton too!)
Introducing my new nephew, Colton James Rowan. He is approximately 6 weeks old in the photo. He is the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. Creamy sweet skin you just want to nuzzle. This is my nephew Tucker Allen; he is Colton's big brother. He's about 3 1/2 in the photo. A ball of energy, this one! And so sweet. He has the cutest expressions. He's like an old man in a little kid body. His voice and the things he says just crack me and his cousin Melanie up... He adores Melanie (and she loves him, and Colton too!)This is Colton last Saturday. He is now 4 1/2 months old and is such a sweetheart. He laughs and coos and gurgles and raspberries and drools. Boy does he drool! He makes the funniest faces and I just sat holding him and looking at him and adoring him until I realized I needed Melle to hold him so I could take pictures - so that I could look at him long after his momma took him home. Isn't he sweet? I want one I want one I want one... Maybe for Christmas?
Melle's Auntie Sarah is such a sweetheart to bring him and Tucker by for a visit... I love watching her be a mommy now; I remember when she would babysit Melanie for me! And now Melanie is babysitting for her!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Great New Read
I am in the middle of reading "The Shack." It's been talked about quite a bit and I finally broke down and bought it. Phil devoured it in less than 2 days and now it's my turn. It seemed slow going at first, but that was because it challenged some of my perceptions of things/people. Now I can hardly put the book down. It really is that good!
I am looking forward to discussing the book with Phil when I am done reading it. If you have read it, please comment me. I would love to find others to discuss it with. What are you getting out of it? How has it challenged you?
Other than that, life is boring here. Just house cleaning and grape juice/jelly making time and me vacuuming up leaves almost every day. Honestly, I love this time of year... the rain, the dark gray clouds, the Hot Cocoa!!! Oh, and I got to hold the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen... I will post pictures someday. You will want to kiss his precious little cheeks. He's just that sweet!
I am looking forward to discussing the book with Phil when I am done reading it. If you have read it, please comment me. I would love to find others to discuss it with. What are you getting out of it? How has it challenged you?
Other than that, life is boring here. Just house cleaning and grape juice/jelly making time and me vacuuming up leaves almost every day. Honestly, I love this time of year... the rain, the dark gray clouds, the Hot Cocoa!!! Oh, and I got to hold the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen... I will post pictures someday. You will want to kiss his precious little cheeks. He's just that sweet!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
No Place Like Home
So I got home early Friday morning. I was so tired. While I was in California, it was go go go until I dropped into bed at the hotel each night.
Being with Mom was different than other times. God really blessed me with a lot of compassion and grace and patience... well, the patience was running out but I called home and Emily prayed with me and the patience tank was filled up again. I loved being able to bless mom. I cleaned her house, did laundry, and made a bunch of dinners to put in her freezer for later.
Her injuries were, well, I really don't know. I never saw the doctor. And though he came to check on Mom a couple of times, she doesn't even know the extent of her injuries. When I got to the hospital on Sunday evening, she had all these rods sticking out of her arm. 11 of them I think, or 13? Anyway, after her surgery on Monday, they took all the rods out. She has pins in her elbow, but we don't know how many. She can bend her elbow, and is even encouraged to do so, but it's freaky to do so, knowing that you have all this metal inside holding you together. The hand on the arm that was broken - wait that's not right, we found out that her other elbow is also has a fracture! So let me put it this way, on the arm with the most damage, her hand has swollen up like a water balloon. It's scary really. I was joking that we could prick it with a pin and let the pressure out but mom said she thinks it would blow out if we did, so we threw that idea out. Mom is in good spirits despite the pain and the inconvenience.
All I know is that she is off work for 4 months. 4 months!! Sheesh, what is she going to do? I wish she could come stay with us for some of the time. But I am so thankful that I was able to come down and help her out. I think it helped our relationship. It felt good to honor her, and I am hoping that she is beginning to see that she is a very valuable, loved, and special person to many.
I also got to know a wonderful young woman named Shelly who was mom's hospital roommate. She was in after having surgery for Diverticulitis and was in quite a bit of pain. The hospital staff were not very responsive to either Mom or Shelly and it was frustrating to see these women go without necessary things like water and food. I offered to help Shelly when I heard her moaning in pain one evening and that began a quick friendship. Every morning I would come, saying "good morning, ladies" and Shelly would say, "where have you been?" I loved visiting with her and mom. Shelly has been through a lot in her life, but is going to church and trying to live a life that reflects her values. I am proud of her and so blessed by getting to know her. We exchanged contact information and I intend to keep in contact with this wonderful woman.
I also got to visit with my grandparents who live approximately an hour from the airport. I drove up there on the day I left and we had a short but sweet visit. I just love my grandpa and grandma and we have recently been reconciled after a long period of not talking (my fault). So good to see them and be at their house. It is a very special place to me.
But the best place? HOME! I smiled when I saw my van in the parking lot at the Spokane Airport. Surprised I missed it, because I really really liked the cute rental car I had. But seeing the van was like knowing I'm home. I got home late and slept in the next day, so I didn't actually see my girls until the afternoon, but I was so glad to see them, and I think they were just as happy to see me. Phil did a wonderful job as Dad and as he filled-in for me. Thanks to Stephanie Elliott and Kim Weber for getting my kids home from school and to dance class. I know that helped Phil so much. And it put my mind at ease too!
I still haven't gotten back into routine, but I will by Monday morning... the schedule doesn't give me much choice! Right now, I am just enjoying being home.
PS Thanks to all who asked about Mom. She has no idea the amount of people asking about and praying for her. It would blow her away if she knew. Keep up the prayers. She still needs them!
Being with Mom was different than other times. God really blessed me with a lot of compassion and grace and patience... well, the patience was running out but I called home and Emily prayed with me and the patience tank was filled up again. I loved being able to bless mom. I cleaned her house, did laundry, and made a bunch of dinners to put in her freezer for later.
Her injuries were, well, I really don't know. I never saw the doctor. And though he came to check on Mom a couple of times, she doesn't even know the extent of her injuries. When I got to the hospital on Sunday evening, she had all these rods sticking out of her arm. 11 of them I think, or 13? Anyway, after her surgery on Monday, they took all the rods out. She has pins in her elbow, but we don't know how many. She can bend her elbow, and is even encouraged to do so, but it's freaky to do so, knowing that you have all this metal inside holding you together. The hand on the arm that was broken - wait that's not right, we found out that her other elbow is also has a fracture! So let me put it this way, on the arm with the most damage, her hand has swollen up like a water balloon. It's scary really. I was joking that we could prick it with a pin and let the pressure out but mom said she thinks it would blow out if we did, so we threw that idea out. Mom is in good spirits despite the pain and the inconvenience.
All I know is that she is off work for 4 months. 4 months!! Sheesh, what is she going to do? I wish she could come stay with us for some of the time. But I am so thankful that I was able to come down and help her out. I think it helped our relationship. It felt good to honor her, and I am hoping that she is beginning to see that she is a very valuable, loved, and special person to many.
I also got to know a wonderful young woman named Shelly who was mom's hospital roommate. She was in after having surgery for Diverticulitis and was in quite a bit of pain. The hospital staff were not very responsive to either Mom or Shelly and it was frustrating to see these women go without necessary things like water and food. I offered to help Shelly when I heard her moaning in pain one evening and that began a quick friendship. Every morning I would come, saying "good morning, ladies" and Shelly would say, "where have you been?" I loved visiting with her and mom. Shelly has been through a lot in her life, but is going to church and trying to live a life that reflects her values. I am proud of her and so blessed by getting to know her. We exchanged contact information and I intend to keep in contact with this wonderful woman.
I also got to visit with my grandparents who live approximately an hour from the airport. I drove up there on the day I left and we had a short but sweet visit. I just love my grandpa and grandma and we have recently been reconciled after a long period of not talking (my fault). So good to see them and be at their house. It is a very special place to me.
But the best place? HOME! I smiled when I saw my van in the parking lot at the Spokane Airport. Surprised I missed it, because I really really liked the cute rental car I had. But seeing the van was like knowing I'm home. I got home late and slept in the next day, so I didn't actually see my girls until the afternoon, but I was so glad to see them, and I think they were just as happy to see me. Phil did a wonderful job as Dad and as he filled-in for me. Thanks to Stephanie Elliott and Kim Weber for getting my kids home from school and to dance class. I know that helped Phil so much. And it put my mind at ease too!
I still haven't gotten back into routine, but I will by Monday morning... the schedule doesn't give me much choice! Right now, I am just enjoying being home.
PS Thanks to all who asked about Mom. She has no idea the amount of people asking about and praying for her. It would blow her away if she knew. Keep up the prayers. She still needs them!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Our Party of 5 is not feeling like a party right now
Just to let you know, I will be absent from Blogland for a while. Mom had a crash with her bicycle last Thursday. It just happened to be her birthday and she was out riding her bike when along came a vehicular death machine (car) who cut her off, forcing her to slam on brakes, which of course, caused her to end-o. She ended up with (I think) multiple compound fractures to her left arm. (Whatever all that means) All I know is that she said that "when (she) came to" people were all around and her arm was dangling like a noodle from her elbow. She also said that the bones were sticking out of her skin. Gross (but I have always wanted to see that)
Anyway, she had surgery on Friday and is having another on Monday. I really felt like I needed to be there. I used some frequent flyer miles we have been hoarding and I am flying out Sunday afternoon. I am busy trying to get life all tied up pretty for Phil this week while I am gone, and it is hard because I have been gone to scrap retreat all weekend. I came home early so I could get scheduling and laundry taken care of. Of all weeks, this is an extremely hectic one, so I am going to call around on Monday and cancel (almost) all of our appointments.
One appointment not cancelled is for Melanie at the orthodontist's... She is finally getting her braces off, and to tell the truth (though it isn't Tuesday) I am sad that I won't be there. For me, it's a milestone. Like walking. You coax and steady and encourage your little one to walk and all of a sudden the kid is running laps around your kitchen island laughing because...well because she can. Anyway, this is a milestone in the same way: I coaxed, encouraged, bribed, threatened and forced Melle to wear her rubber bands, to brush her teeth, to wear her rubber bands and FINALLY I am, I mean Melle is, getting the reward - braces off on Tuesday! Yay!!
But coming home on Thursday and seeing those braces off will be like picking up your kid from daycare and having the 19 year old "teacher" tell you that your precious daughter took her first steps today while you were at work. Ugh... Kind of sad.
Anyway, I will not be blogging, no Facebooking, nothing for a while. I plan on being back in less than a week, but I have no idea what the treatment is like for Mom's injury, so I need to know in order to help get her life in some order before I go. It really is hard when you have few people in your area to help you in times like this. There are some places/people I will be contacting to try to help her out while I am there.
For those of you who pray, please do. Mom needs it and so do I. I have been feeling quite down lately and while this is a diversion from the daily grind, this "depression" is wearing me down. I have family and friends who also have family members battling cancer, mental health problems, and a close friend who had a close call with some health issues too. My man will definitely need prayer now that he has to shuttle the kids around to different places at different times. I know it will be hard for him, and my girls too. Finally, I am afraid of how Melle is going to take me being gone and my mom being in the hospital. Melle used to be quite attached to "grammee" and to have her injured and her own mom not here to comfort her fears will be difficult. So pray for my family if you will, I would certainly appreciate it.
Anyway, she had surgery on Friday and is having another on Monday. I really felt like I needed to be there. I used some frequent flyer miles we have been hoarding and I am flying out Sunday afternoon. I am busy trying to get life all tied up pretty for Phil this week while I am gone, and it is hard because I have been gone to scrap retreat all weekend. I came home early so I could get scheduling and laundry taken care of. Of all weeks, this is an extremely hectic one, so I am going to call around on Monday and cancel (almost) all of our appointments.
One appointment not cancelled is for Melanie at the orthodontist's... She is finally getting her braces off, and to tell the truth (though it isn't Tuesday) I am sad that I won't be there. For me, it's a milestone. Like walking. You coax and steady and encourage your little one to walk and all of a sudden the kid is running laps around your kitchen island laughing because...well because she can. Anyway, this is a milestone in the same way: I coaxed, encouraged, bribed, threatened and forced Melle to wear her rubber bands, to brush her teeth, to wear her rubber bands and FINALLY I am, I mean Melle is, getting the reward - braces off on Tuesday! Yay!!
But coming home on Thursday and seeing those braces off will be like picking up your kid from daycare and having the 19 year old "teacher" tell you that your precious daughter took her first steps today while you were at work. Ugh... Kind of sad.
Anyway, I will not be blogging, no Facebooking, nothing for a while. I plan on being back in less than a week, but I have no idea what the treatment is like for Mom's injury, so I need to know in order to help get her life in some order before I go. It really is hard when you have few people in your area to help you in times like this. There are some places/people I will be contacting to try to help her out while I am there.
For those of you who pray, please do. Mom needs it and so do I. I have been feeling quite down lately and while this is a diversion from the daily grind, this "depression" is wearing me down. I have family and friends who also have family members battling cancer, mental health problems, and a close friend who had a close call with some health issues too. My man will definitely need prayer now that he has to shuttle the kids around to different places at different times. I know it will be hard for him, and my girls too. Finally, I am afraid of how Melle is going to take me being gone and my mom being in the hospital. Melle used to be quite attached to "grammee" and to have her injured and her own mom not here to comfort her fears will be difficult. So pray for my family if you will, I would certainly appreciate it.
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